This, by far, is the honorable mention that hurts me the most. I absolutely loved the first four books in Stephen King’s Dark Tower series. The opening line in the series is, “The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed.” The man in black is none other than The Ageless Stranger AKA The Walking Dude AKA Russell Faraday AKA Richard Fanin AKA Randall FlaggOkay actually in the original version of The Gunslinger it was just a dude named Walter, but King retroactively changed it to Flagg.. Flagg has shown up all over the Stephen King universe, appearing as the big bad guy in The Stand and Eyes of the Dragon as well as making cameos in Hearts in Atlantis and the early Dark Tower books. Everything pointed to an epic confrontation between Flagg and Roland. In Wizard and Glass (Book IV) Roland caught up to Flagg who disappeared right before two of Roland’s bullets would have ended him. I spent more time than was probably healthy thinking about how awesome their final fight would be.
BUT NO! Instead in possibly the worst decision any author has ever made, King decided to job Flagg out to Roland’s demon spider love child MordredThe details of Mordred’s origin are as follows: Roland sleeps with some demon to... you know what nevermind. Mordred sucks. The hell with him. who somehow controls Flagg’s body making him pluck out his eyes and tongue before... eating him. King also gives Flagg the suckiest origin possible for a previously badass immortal agent of evil: he’s the son of a miller who got raped by a hobo when he was a kid. I just cannot fathom why King, after building up Flagg for so many years, chose to dispose of him this callously. I’m almost positive that this decision alone is responsible for 75% of why King is no longer my favorite author.
Thankfully, I can't post a video link to this travashamockery because The Dark Tower remains in film limbo. Instead here's some Randall Flagg goodness from The Stand with some horrible death metal soundtrack.
Honorable Mention: Lucas Buck
I might have been the only person who watched American Gothic back in the mid 90s, but those of you who only know Gary Cole as Bill Lumbergh from Office Space really missed out on a great performance. Hearing the phrase "Someone's at the door" still give me goosebumps after all these years, because trust me if someone's at the door you better hope it ain't Lucas Buck.
Winner: Viggo Mortenson
Before saving Middle Earth, Viggo Mortenson played Satan in the underrated cult classic The Prophecy. And he tore it up. Witty. Sarcastic. Funny. Charming.
And oh yea. There's the orgasming while devouring the angel Gabriel's heart .
I rest my case.
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