Saturday, October 18, 2014

Scariest Cartoon to Watch as a Child

Honorable Mention: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Go ahead and fast forward to the 4:30 mark to trigger traumatic flashbacks to your childhood.



Winner: The Secret of Nimh



I know. How in the hell did Legend of Sleepy Hallow not win right? Well, I've got four words for ya: The Secret of Nimh. That owl is scary as hell:


and this tractor scene scared me to death when I was a kid (fast forward to 8:30).



I have no idea how this movie got a G rating.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Best Emo Wiccan Teen Girl Squad

Honorable Mention: Syzygy (X-Files)
















Hate him! Wouldn't want to date him!  When the planets align two girls with the same birth date find themselves at the center of a cosmic storm that gives them unlimited power.  Which is exactly what you want two teenagers to have.  Bonus:  the planetary alignment makes Mulder horny and Scully fiesty.  Sure.  Fine.  Whatever. 

Winner: The Craft




































If you were a teenage boy when this movie came out you either had this poster hanging on your wall or you knew someone who did.  I think I was in love with Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, and Rachel True all at the same time. Hey look!  Skeet Ulrich!  Maybe we'll see that guy again this month!


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Scariest Cannibal

Honorable Mention: Hannibal Lecter

















Upset of the century that Hannibal the Cannibal didn't win right? I mean the man has everything going in his favor, rhyming, fame, sweet biting restraint, and Anthony Hopkins, but let's be honest with each other. By the end of Silence of the Lambs you found yourself rooting for Hannibal didn't you? With that charm and that distinguished gentlemen attire you could almost forget the guy liked to chow down on brains. Which is all the complete and total opposite of our winner.  

Winner: Eugene Victor Tooms

















The monster-of-the-week X-Files episodes hold up so much better than the alien conspiracy mythology one.  And Tooms was the very first monster, appearing in the third episode of the series, Squeeze. Tooms, played super creepily by Doug Hutchinson, is a mutant who can maintain his youth by hibernating in a cocoon after consuming five human livers every 30 years. Tooms' mutation also allows him to fit into incredibly small spaces (like air ducts) to attack his victims by surprise. Watching Tooms stalk Scully is creepy and tense as hell.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Scariest Music Video



Are there even any serious competitors in this category? This video was released when I was 3 or 4 and I know I saw it when I was super young and all I can remember is it scared the hell out of me.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Creepiest Twins

Honorable Mention



In this classic X-Files episode (hey it even gave the band Eve-6 its name) Teena Simmons and Cindy Reardon are identicial twins separated at birth whose adopted fathers were mysteriously killed on the same day thousands of miles apart. As the show progresses you slowly realize the twins are not quite the innocent victims they've been portraying. Don't leave your drink unattended around these two psychos!

Winner

I'm going to be honest here. Originally, the Eve twins were going to win the title. But then I watched the below clip and HOLY SHIT! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE DANNY!!!! RUN!!!!111!!!!!!